Lone Ranger

Lone Ranger
I'm rarely bored alone; I'm often bored in groups and crowds. :)

Monday 7 December 2015


You see him standing there chatting happily with his friends. It's just another typical day of you life but why out of the blue, the feeling of grieve comes back? Why? Didn't you have forgotten about him? Forgotten about him completely? You told yourself to let go but little do you realize that you actually haven't let go at all?

Yes, you cried for days and nights since the day he broke up with you, so what? Does it really matter? He doesn't even care about you any more. You are nothing in his eyes any more but just a piece of banner by the roadside which he doesn't even bother to see. You are nothing but nothing. He doesn't love you any more but why couldn't you do the same thing as he does? Why?

Your friends kept saying thing like, "He's stupid for letting you go. He doesn't deserve you. You can find a better person." and "It's not your fault. People like him should just exit your life". Your friends kept insisting you to hate him but instead you chose to forgive. You give yourself hopes by thinking one day, both of you could get back together but you know the chance is low.

A few weeks had passed, your feeling of sorrow started to fade away but you still miss him deep inside. Every single thing you saw or every single place you went could remind you of him. You kept telling yourself to let go but your heart doesn't want to listen to your brain. As days passed, you started to get numb by your feelings. You imagined he's still by your side and adoring you like his baby girl. You still cry alone in the shower. You still acting like you are actually hugging him when you are in your bed, Alas, when you meet him face to face, you need to act like you have forgotten about him and treat him like any other of your friends because only a few know both of you WERE couple before.

The first few days after the break, you started scrolling back the both of you text messages and pictures. Even  if both of you won't see each other again, at least you still have those things as memories, you thought. But the more you read and recalled the memories both of you have had together, the more you couldn't let go, so you stopped looking at those text messages he had sent you and all the pictures both of you have took. They cause you nothing but pain.

You feel hurt. Is it you the problem? Is it a mistake that you confess to him at the very first place? Is it you that you are not perfect enough? Is it you?

Last time, when both of you were still together, he would travel far away from his place just to meet you and he could tell you sweet stuff like, "I miss you." or "I love you." and treat you like his princess. But now everything had changed. Nowadays, if you ask him out, he would you give all kind of excuses. You started to feel whether you still worth it any more. Your self extreme started to decrease. You doesn't miss all the thing he did for you, but you miss him. You just miss him for who he is. You started to miss the time that he's still in love with you.

Sometimes, you wondered, whether he's still at least have some feelings for you or at least miss you even for once. Millions of questions started to pop out in your mind but it seems like those questions are rhetorical questions.

He seems happy, though. He doesn't seems like he's sad to lose you, so why are you expecting so much from him? You started to feel like an idiot that you think he will like you back. "You are a total idiot,"you told yourself.

No matter how hard you tried, you just couldn't forget. It's just you and you will always be you. It's you...

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