Set Fire to The Rain

I'm just too lazy to spit out my feeling through typing, so I shall let this song, "Set Fire to The Rain" by Adele to do the job. My whole life in a while is described fully in this song. :)

I used to wonder why there are more love songs than song from other genres last time but after going through all those heartbreaks and hardship, now I understand. It's because love is a basic feeling which every human being in this world will experience. It could make you happy and hurt in the same time. We might feel happy only for a while but once hurt, it would be forever. The scar will stay. You couldn't keep it to yourself. You need someone out there to listen to you. That's why most of the people especially singers tend to write love songs and sing them to the world.

I wouldn't give a shit about what's the meaning behind all those songs before this. If I love it, I will listen to it and hum the music all day long without knowing what's the actual meaning of those songs. Literally, I enjoyed the music more than enjoying and understanding the lyrics. However, as time passed, I have changed. I tend to search for the meaning of lyrics on Google once I heard a song that I really like, most probably love songs nowadays.

I found a quote which describe my current situation so much. Here you go :) :

You (The Night of New Year Countdown)

Maybe it's a wrong decision to go for a new year countdown which was held at a place where... where... where both of you used to hang out. Yea, both of you... You and him...

You just wanted to have some fun in the last few hours in the year of 2015 but you never thought that those memories would come flooding back to your mind. That time, you already  knew that the year 2016 won't be another exciting year for you any more like any other of your past years. 2016 will only be a year full of bitter sweet (mostly bitter) memories from 2015.

The place was indeed very congested since everyone gathered there to celebrate the last few hours of 2015 with their loved ones(mostly couples) and looked joyful but you felt the other way around. You don't feel anything but extreme despair and sadness. You felt alone even though you are in a crowded place where thousands of people had gathered.

You saw the place where both of you had kissed. Deep inside, you had die a little. Your friends weren't with you. Maybe you would feel better with them around... Or maybe not..,, you thought. You watched the sky as hundreds of balloons were let go to the atmosphere. Let those balloons take away those negativity from 2015 to the sky and bring new hope to the year of 2016, they said.

You watched as colourful fireworks were shoot upon the sky to welcome the arrival of the year 2016 as well as to symbolize joy and happiness. Nevertheless, you didn't feel joyous or contented. You felt lonely and sad, Those were the only things you felt.

As you were walking home after the countdown, you saw a lot of couples were walking pass you. Each of the pair looked lovey dovey. One of them even kissed his girlfriend on the forehead like what he had done to you before. You started to broke down but you knew you had to hold your tears. You can't cry in the public. You needed to hold it. Sooner, you saw another couple passing by and the man hugged his girlfriend so lovingly. Your eyes started to water. Tears rolled down on your cheek. You could feel a stabbing pain in your heart, too. Your hands started to shake in your hoodie pocket.

You thought you were jealous or envied but you were not. Just that they reminded you of him.
It has been more than 3 months since the break up. Why couldn't you just let go of this relationship? Why? That moment when you thought you had get over him but when those memories came flashing back, you still couldn't resist the feeling you had for him. Why?! Why are you so stupid?! People say that time will heal, but you know it won't. You are not sure whether it's your patience running out or what, but times doesn't done much healing either.

You are suffocating deep inside. You are drowning slowly. Even when you are typing this, your eyes started to water! WHY?! WHY YOU ARE SO STUPID AND DUMB?! WHY?! LET GO! STOP BEING A SILLY IDIOTIC DUMB ASS! YOU ARE WORTHLESS! THAT'S WHY HE LEAVE YOU! WHY...? Why...? Do you really want to live your whole life holding on this old relationship and thinking he's the one? You have tried so hard to forget about him but you just can't. Those memories and most important of all... It's him...  You couldn't forget... just so easily.

You wiped your tears with your sleeve but another tear came rolling down... You have to be strong. You are all alone... You are the only one you yourself can rely on. There is no one out there will even care for you. You are all alone...

You (Forgotten Dream)

You dreamt of him again in the night of new year eve. In the dream, he was chatting happily with another girl in a canteen. You looked at him far away from the other side. They seems close to each other, you thought. Again , your heart was broken.

These few days, you seems to always dream about him and you always end up hurting yourself even more in each dream. You feel pain mentally and emotionally. Is it even your fault from the very beginning that you couldn't let go? You wonder.

After you woke up, you forgot most part of the dream. The dream seems to fade away from your memory. You are not sure whether it's a good thing or a bad thing that you forgot. As far as you remember, you never had forgotten any dreams. Maybe it's a good thing, though that you don't remember. Maybe your brain knows what is the best for you more than your heart, thus it erase the memory of the dream from your mind... For your own goodness sake.